Lessons from the Psych Ward

Believe me, you don’t want to ever be admitted to the Psych ward in a hospital.  

But if you ever happen to find yourself there, as I have a few times, you can actually learn quite a lot about life. Psychiatric wards are like a small community – though sort of a strange one.

I have Tourette Syndrome, which means I sometimes make very unusual sounds and movements, called tics. I can’t control them and sometimes they get pretty loud and frequent and disturbing. And like many other people with Tourettes, I also have obsessive thoughts, and lots of sensory issues with smells and sounds and people touching me. I also have problems in social situations, because I have Asperger’s too. I tend to take things too literally and so I have to deal with lots of frustrating misunderstandings. All this sometimes gets overwhelming and makes me depressed, anxious and angry.  That’s why I have ended up in the Psych ward a few times. I thought it might be interesting to write down some of the lessons I learned during my last stay there.

One thing that I learned is that some people can be severely disabled with mental health problems and even be delusional, but they are still smart and really nice.

I remember one guy at the ward who was very delusional. He was trying to find meaning in numbers and words and dictionaries – and yet this same person had designed an iPhone app that was quite popular. He knew six programming languages. That’s the part you should focus on. Focus on the positive parts of people’s lives, and don’t worry too much about people’s delusions. Sometimes he’d talk about seeing angels who were making music for him personally. I wouldn’t dispute that – I would tell him that he has unusual ideas. I tried to communicate with him in a happy way. We had tons of great conversations and I learned a lot from him.  It didn’t really matter that he was delusional. Who knows, maybe he was seeing angels. I just decided not to worry about that part.

When you put people in a small space with not much room and lots of other people, they get bored and restless. There were some patients who walked back and forth in the corridors all day. I learned that if you want to have a good talk with them, you have to walk alongside them.

Also, people can get in arguments pretty easily in a closed space like that. When people aren’t very self-aware, and they differ in their opinions and backgrounds, their discussions can turn into arguments pretty quickly. And sometimes there is something that you really believe or know is true, but other people will disagree with you and there’s no way you can convince them. For instance, there was one really tough patient who was very set in his opinions, and there was no way that you could convince him that some of his ideas were racist, even though they obviously were. He really thought he was right. I figured out that it was good to gently become aware of his opinions but don’t push the argument too far. An important thing I realized is that it doesn’t mean I couldn’t be friendly with him. We could disagree about things – even important things – and still have a pretty friendly relationship.

I also discovered that even authority figures interpret rules differently sometimes. For instance, some nurses said I had to take my medication right at the appointed time, and others would say it could be an hour earlier or later. That was confusing to me but I eventually realized that in this case it was better to just ride along with that inconsistency. Some nurses were definitely more rigid and harder to get along with than others.  Lots of other patients in the ward would be empathetic to you if you got assigned a certain nurse who was that way. We would say things like, “You can do this; just get through the day and don’t say anything too controversial. It’s going to be okay. You’ll get a different nurse tomorrow!”  We’d team up and support each other that way, and I found out that it was really good and helpful.  So I tried to do that for other people, too.  All this taught me that sometimes you have to just persevere and hang in there, and then it will be over.

I learned that if you found a way to keep the nurses and other staff happy, then they get to know you and are more willing to help keep you happy. I drew portraits of all the nurses and the security guards, and they really liked that, and they got to know me.  When you make the effort to get to know people and let them get to know you, they start thinking of you in a more personal, caring way.

I also learned that you have to figure out when to rat someone out, and when it’s not really a big deal. If they’re not harming anyone or anything – like for instance if someone is sneaking a look at their cell phone – maybe that’s not really a big deal even though it’s against the rules. I tend to be pretty black and white, but I realized that you have to think about each situation separately, and figure out what’s important to tell someone about, and what’s actually not that important. Sometimes you’ll make an enemy when you tell authority figures about something that wasn’t really a big deal. It’s tricky figuring that all out. I started understanding that my initial opinion wasn’t always right. 

I learned that in a stressful place like the Psych ward, it’s good to have a routine. It gives you structure and a bit of comfort – something to hang on to.

Actually, when you’re at the Psych ward, the other patients are usually very willing to give you slack when you make a mistake, or when you freak out, or when you’re having a really bad day.  A lot of them have been in the same situations that you have. Everyone knows that they’re in the Psych ward for a reason…and they know that you are there for a reason, too. Nobody has to pretend that everything’s fine. And nobody’s above anyone else.  There were old people, young people, rich people, poor people, smart people, not-so-smart people, all living together and trying to get mentally healthy again.

It was okay to be at the Psych ward because I needed it then. But there were things I didn’t like. They didn’t have a good bathtub, and the shower stall was really tiny, and the nozzle shot straight at the wall…and there was nothing I could do about those things. I had to decide that it was okay for me to be there, even with the things that I didn’t like. I found out that I could handle being a bit uncomfortable. It was a safe place to be, and at the time that was the most important thing.

I also found out that there are lots of people with problems like me, and there are people who are much more mentally unstable and have more problems than me.  

Sometimes people there would ask you for help, and if you helped them, they would keep asking and asking…asking you to go get a pop in the lobby of the hospital for them, for example.  So I had to figure out a way to say no to people sometimes. I realized that sometimes they didn’t even realize how difficult a thing was that they were asking you to do. Whenever I could, I tried to help the other patients, but I also learned to say no politely. That was very difficult.

I found out that one of the best ways you can help people is just do little things – they add up and mean a lot. For example, just listen to them, and help them if they drop something, and maybe just sit with them quietly and keep them company.  Sometimes I was someone for them to vent to. All those little things can add up to a lot of appreciation.

A big thing I learned, too, is that when you make a mistake, you have to forgive yourself and forget about it, and then that makes it easier for other people to forgive you and forget about it too. If you’re constantly hating on yourself and bringing it up over and over, then other people aren’t going to be able to forget it either. Of course you have to say you’re sorry and apologize, but then you have to just say to yourself, “I screwed up, but if I just try to do my best from now on, it’ll be better than if I keep going on and on about how horrible I am.”

There were some days when I thought that my time in the Psych ward was a pointless and frustrating waste of time.  But now I recognize the value of what I learned there, and hopefully I can put these lessons into practice…on my good days. Which, I’m glad to say, are now fairly frequent.

But please pray for me.