My Dinner with Mahmut (and Selma)

The Intercultural Dialogue Institute (IDI) was formed in 2010 in Toronto, Canada, and grew out of the need to address the question, “How can citizens of the world live in peace and harmony?” From that question a conversation took root and began to grow. IDI’s aim is to promote enduring interfaith and intercultural cooperation, through activities such as lectures, conferences, courses, intercultural exchange trips, and programs for students and youth.

“Meet Your Neighbours” is part of an IDI initiative that is taking place in communities across Canada.  Families affiliated with IDI invite guests to their homes to share a meal and learn firsthand about another culture.

My wife Laura and I recently participated in this program, and enjoyed a lively evening of laughter, food and conversation in the home of the Elbasi family. We were also joined by Guljemal and Malik Muradov, and Laura Cutler.  Malik is the Executive Director of IDI Calgary, and Laura is their Program Coordinator.

From left: Laura Cutler, Guljemal and Malik Muradov, Selma and Mahmut Elbasi, Laura Locke

When my wife and I first walked up the steps to the Elbasi family’s front door, I must admit I felt some trepidation. We – two longtime Christians who had recently joined the Catholic Church; one a Jew by birth (me) – were to have dinner with a family of devout Muslims whom we had never met. What were we to talk about? What if we couldn’t relate to them very well? Would it be awkward and embarrassing?

Our hosts were Mahmut and Selma Elbasi and their four children. Selma and Mahmut are originally from the Anatolia region of Turkey.  Mahmut studied to be a chef in his native country, and later worked at the famous, huge Elmacioglu Iskender Restaurant in Kayseri, Turkey.  Selma and Mahmut now are the proud owners of “Anatolia Turkish Cuisine” at the Crossroads Market in Calgary.

My wife and I were cheerfully welcomed by Mahmut, Selma and their kids as we traipsed into their tidy, comfortable bungalow on a quiet suburban street in Calgary.  First up was hot Turkish tea, as we were joined by Malik, Guljemal and Laura from IDI. Somehow we all hit it off right away. I was immediately delighted by the great sense of humour and warmth that our hosts displayed. Having dinner in the home of a chef is also delightful, as I was soon to find out.

Our initial conversation was all about getting to know each other, but as we moved from the living room to the dining room, the talk turned to food.  A simple description of our meal doesn’t do it justice – the wonderful smells, textures, colours and tastes were definitely beyond words.  We enjoyed an excellent spiced soup made from homemade yogurt, a beautiful Mediterranean salad with chunks of fresh vegetables piled high, a baked eggplant dish of which I admit to having four helpings, and a platter of marinated roasted chicken and vegetables that smelled and tasted divine. All this was followed by an incredible dessert dish that featured layers of sweet creamy filling and philo pastry, with a topping of crushed, vivid green pistachio nuts.  Amazing.

Selma and Mahmut Elbasi

The conversation continued to flow easily, as did the tea. Mahmut told us about his early adventures in Canada, when he knew very little English – in fact only “yes” and “no”. We laughed with him at his memory of the disconcerting waves of babbled, unknown words that washed over him as he rode transit to work during his first months here. We discussed the misconceptions that exist in the West about Arab culture and the Muslim religion.  We got a fascinating crash course about Ramadan, the Muslim month of prayer and fasting, and found out what it’s really all about. We asked questions about what goes on inside a Mosque. We learned about the many wonderful volunteer activities that Calgary’s Turkish community are involved in. We discovered intriguing facts about Turkish politics and history. We listened to a passionate description of the chaos that now exists in Mahmut and Selma’s homeland, and their fears for its future.

But don’t get me wrong – the conversation was definitely a two-way street.  We were delighted to answer their very respectful but eager questions about life in Canada, our political system, Canadian food, our experiences growing up here, Jewish religious customs, and specific Christian traditions that they were curious about, such as Ash Wednesday and Lent. One of the many enlightening discoveries that emerged for me was the exalted place that the Virgin Mary and her holy Son hold in Muslim belief – not to mention their reverence for Abraham, Moses and David.

But I think what was most surprising to me was how much we had in common with these people who at first I thought were rather “exotic” – in our common interests, our similar lifestyle, and the importance that faith plays in our lives. We could laugh and cry at the same human foibles, and it turns out that they are just “plain folks” like us, trying to muddle their way through a much more complicated existence than any of us had ever dreamed of when we were young. In that, and probably a million other things, we are very much alike.

Bill Locke, Mahmut and Selma at Calgary’s Crossroads Market

In the end, all I know is that my wife and I enjoyed a lovely evening with a family who live in a house that looks much like ours. It had turned out to be a totally fun and fulfilling experience, and I needn’t have been nervous at all.  As we said good bye to our new friends, with a promise to keep the situation in Turkey in our prayers and with plans to meet up again soon at the Crossroads Market, I knew it would take quite a while to digest this marvelous meal of rich foods and rich conversation.

Headquartered in Toronto, the Intercultural Dialogue Institute currently has branch offices and sister organizations in nine Canadian cities. 
Visit www.interculturaldialog.com for more information.
You can reach Malik Muradov, Calgary IDI’s Executive Director at
muradov@idialogue.ca to register or find out more about the “Meet Your Neighbours” program.