Everybody, deep down, desires to belong. From the bombastic extrovert to the most reclusive introvert, we all share a desire to love and to be loved. The problem, to our dismay, is our constant clashing between doing what we ought to do and doing what we want to do. Whenever we give in to our selfishness, we break bonds, lose friendships and our frustrations grow and fester in our souls because we are starving for love.
I was one of those men who only thought about themselves, and that evil within led me to getting arrested in 2011 before reaching the age of 20.
In 2013, I was not known by my name. I was known as inmate T78383, and as I transferred to a small prison near Gainesville, FL, called Lawtey Correctional Institution, I recall thinking, “Man, this place looks more like a school than a prison.” I was sort of correct; Lawtey, at that time, was organized to be a “Faith- and Character-based” prison. Its goal was to actually live out the Florida Department of Corrections’ Vision Statement (first time for everything, right?) which goes as follows: “Inspiring success by transforming one life at a time.”1
As much as I acknowledged the need for change while incarcerated, at that time I was a 21-year-old gang member who followed the crowd and kept the status quo to avoid standing out. In prison, it is a social norm to not stand out; to stand out means to draw attention from other prisoners and the guards.
Photo by E. Ichigo
In Lawtey, I received the “honor” of going to solitary twice. To my dismay, I discovered later that both times I went to confinement, my parents drove 2.5 hours from Tampa for weekend visitations. They could not see me, and then they drove back, worried about their idiot son. The fact that every choice I made had a ripple effect that touched the lives of those I loved cracked the selfish heart of stone that sank me in a sea of misery, like a chisel being used by Samson himself, and I finally swam to the surface to catch my breath.
A year after arriving in Lawtey, I finally decided to participate in the programs they offered. Lawtey was also the only prison in Florida that had a program where prisoners could train to become teachers. At this time, a new chaplain named Allen Thornton took over this Inmate Facilitator Program, and his first prerogative was to diversify the teachers by recruiting younger people. When asked for suggestions, Richard DaFonte, a fellow prisoner who would become a mentor and father figure to me, offered my name. I ended up teaching for three years, and those years were some of the happiest in my life. God, who saw me drowning in a sea of misery, threw me a life saver in the form of prison fellowship.
Fellowship: What We Sorely Need
A “community” is basically understood as a group of people that share something in common. This common denominator ranges from race to nationality to values, etc. Of course, to be incarcerated is to belong to a prison community. However, the prison community that helped me become the man I am today was not a community simply because we shared uniforms; rather, we were a community because we shared a vision: “to become men of service.” This shared vision was cultivated from the volunteers who donated their time to come inside and teach the senior prisoner teachers, led by DaFonte.
This uplifting atmosphere was bred and groomed despite all the disruptiveness and evil around us, from the other prisoners who were just doing their time, to guards who brought their inner demons to work.
Fellowship After the Pandemic
According to a survey done by the Pew Research Center, about 47% of U.S. adults said that the pandemic has “driven people apart” in their communities. Only about 13% said that it actually brought them together.2 Physically, communities were separated by lockdowns. Mentally, communities were separated by lies. Finally, communities were also separated spiritually by lack of love.
A real fellowship is the solution to the problems that are unique to our technological times, especially after the pandemic. In prison, I noticed some key elements that distinguished my brothers from the rest of the prisoners.
- Physical: Friendship
It all starts with the physical; a bond gets made by sharing the same space, such as when you and your dog go for a walk. The physicality of seeing, listening, and responding to your neighbor indicates a mutual engagement, and that can lead to intimacy. To be intimate is not only reserved for your spouse; it is, rather, to see the inside of another. When we establish a friendship, we do not do so because of the exterior attributes (like money, clothes, fame, and power); we do so because we are attracted to the heart, the center of a person.
- Mental: Respect
Respect is not the same as being nice. Nice is another word for tolerant, and just as a good dentist does not tolerate a cavity in my tooth, so a fellowship does not tolerate sin. Cavities, like sin, need to be removed.
The question remains, what is respect? The word respect comes from the Latin, “respectus” and has its origins with “respicere” which literally means “to look back at.” Any change we make with the way we see the world, ourselves and God starts with clarity of vision. It’s interesting to note that respect is not looking at, but looking back at. Maybe we look back at that person we walked by with disinterest, or maybe it is a looking back from Plato’s Cave to see someone, not by their shadow, but by who they really are: a being made in the Image of God. This is why respect is key for the flourishing of a fellowship; we stop seeing our neighbor as a stranger; rather, we see them as brothers or sisters.
- Spiritual: Love
Photo by Carolyn Miles
Finally, we finish at the roots of the garden. Just as we appreciate the flowers of the garden but forget the roots that feed them, so too this element in a community is often forgotten. To love, as Saint Thomas Aquinas brilliantly said, is “to will the good of another”3 and, in prison, the most invested in good fellowship were those who knew the “why” of mankind itself: To love and be loved.
The caveat, however, is the distinction that is made as to the source of that Love, or that soil that fed the roots. To say that we find it in ourselves is to beg the question, “Why is it there in the first place?” And it also begs the question, “Why is that the highest priority for a healthy man and healthy community?” This leads us to conclude that mankind itself could not objectively assert that love is what makes a community happy without getting into a struggle for power.
On the contrary, genuine love is prioritized because that is the essence of Being itself, God. St. John, in his first letter to the Church, asserts that “God is love” (1 John 4:8), because God, who lacks nothing, does not need us. Therefore, He created ex nihilo4 to will the good in all of His masterpiece. By setting the example, God demonstrates that love is not based in the emotions, it is based in the Intellect and the Will. When our wills and intellects are pointing towards Beauty, Truth and Goodness, mankind blooms like a beautiful flower. However, to love someone, you must know them first. The mind presupposes the will. It points the right way, as a map helps guide the captain to hidden treasure.
A healthy community starts with knowing, then loving, then serving our neighbors. When we see our fellows, we know them; when we know our fellows, we love them; and when we love our fellows, we serve them, because as my mentor Richard DaFonte put it, “a servant-leader is redundant. Leaders are leaders because they serve those they lead.” Leaders are what make a fellowship.
Visit Glenn’s website at www.unchainedrhythm.wordpress.com, or follow him on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.
- Florida Department of Corrections; Vision, Mission and Values. http://www.dc.state.fl.us/vision.html
- Americans Are Less Likely Than Before COVID-19 To Want To Live in Cities, More Likely To Prefer Suburbs, Pew Research Center, December 16, 2021. (Link to article)
- Summa Theologica, I-II, 26, 4.
- Latin for “out of nothing”.
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